This blog is prefaced with the recognition that sleep training is a deeply personal topic and not for everyone. Ultimately, whatever you decide to do, that's the right thing for your family :)
Sleep. That little word that makes most parents recoil. Often the taboo-ist of taboo subjects in parenting circles. And something that can consume your universe at times.
This leads me to that unavoidable question...sleep training.
In my research on the topic of sleep training, I went down all sorts of Google rabbit holes, looking at different books, videos and apps to try to unscramble things.
To hopefully save you some scrolling time, and point you in a few directions, here's our journey to sleep training...
Deciding to sleep Train
At about 5.5 months we were at, what felt like, crisis point.
After months of broken, sporadic sleep we hit a sleep regression which caused our baby to wake up every two hours at night.
Things were tough on everyone in our household, so I wanted to explore ways of hopefully improving things through sleep training.
Seeking Advice from Other Parents
I started by chatting to different friends with babies and older children.
These conversations about sleep training were truly valuable because they opened my eyes to a range of valuable perspectives.
When I grew closer to thinking that sleep training may be for us, I spoke in more detail to a friend who had recently sleep trained. Hearing about the positive outcomes for her family gave me the confidence that this is something we could do too.
Researching Sleep Training Methods
I found Emily Oster's book 'Cribsheet' especially helpful when researching sleep training.
It summarises research that's been carried out on different topics relevant for 0 - 5 year olds, including sleep training, with the purpose of empowering parents to make their own decisions.
In my quest for knowledge, I'd learnt that the optimum times to sleep train are 4.5 - 8 months and 12 - 16 months, so we decided to start right away.
Approaches to Sleep Training
There are different schools of thought on sleep training.
In Cribsheet, Emily focuses on the three approaches which fall under the method of "cry it out."
These methods all involve putting your baby down in their cot and allowing them to cry, with the goal of your baby learning to self soothe. Here are the three approaches she covers:
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Extinction - leave and don't return
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Graduated extinction - leave and return at gradually longer intervals
- Extinction with parental presence - let baby cry but stay in the room
We also looked on the NHS website which advises not to leave your baby to cry more than 10 minutes.
Whilst extinction generally yields quicker changes, we decided to go for graduated extinction because of this guidance.
Preparing for Sleep Training
My partner had a week off work coming up, so we (begrudgingly) decided this was probably our best window.
In the run up we made some small changes to hopefully make the transition a little easier. This is what we did:
- We started a simple 15 min bedtime routine to signal sleep time was approaching.
- We started feeding him downstairs, to break the association with being fed to sleep.
- We brought "bed time" much earlier around 7pm as I'd read that babies get their best quality sleep before midnight, which often results in better sleep for the rest of the night (weird right?!)
- We made sure he had a sufficient wake-window before bed, about 2.5 hours, so he was tired but not overtired.
- My partner and I discussed different scenarios to preempt any issues down the line which may cause us to be inconsistent with sleep training.
The First Night of Sleep Training
I started by feeding our baby a bottle downstairs so we knew that, if he cried, it's unlikely to be because he was hungry.
I then did our usual bedtime routine and put him in his cot. He started crying as soon as I left the room, so I went downstairs with the baby monitor to reduce some of the sensory impact.
I tried to distract myself by watching TV, but in reality my eyes were glued to the monitor.
After 10 minutes of crying, my partner went to give him a cuddle before putting him back down in his cot. He cried for another 5 minutes and then went to sleep - and my partner and I stared at each other in disbelief...
Later that night he woke up at 2am. We went into his room and kept the lights dimmed and fed him a bottle.
We then put him straight back in the cot and repeated the same process as before. We went in for a cuddle after 10mins, and again he fell asleep within a few minutes.
The Aftermath of Sleep Training
I'm not going to lie sleep training has been a 'journey', and a non-linear one, but things have improved significantly for us.
With renewed energy, I am more present in the daytime my baby, and have quality time with my partner in the evening.
It has also been genuinely incredible seeing our baby learn how to self soothe in real time - he now sings himself a cute song ❤️
If you do decide sleep training is something you want to do, and on the (sort of) other side, I can honestly say that I have no regrets.